Alfred Hill

So, this blog needs updating. And it's exams period! Perfect time for procrastinating.

All I know about Alfred Hill is that he appears in my Music History notes in the ONE lecture we got on Australian composers under the heading "Some composers in the first half of the 20th century". And that's it. Also, that he was born in 1870 and died in 1960.

What it failed to mention is MOUSTACHE MOUSTACHE MOUSTACHE.

YOU. GUYS.

LOOK IT GOES TO TWO POINTS.


Less exciting, more Marshall-Hall-esque, but impressive hair height.


OH WOW. The moustache has points, the hair has impressive height and lustre. How did he do it?

ALL OTHER COMPOSERS GO HOME, THIS ONE HAS FLUFFY HAIR AND A MOUSTACHE THAT COMES TO TWO POINTS AND HE'S POUTING AND LEANING ON HIS HAND IN A PORTRAIT.

That's all.

Thomas Adés

What's that? A NEW SCHUBERT WAS A BABE POST?!?!?!? WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF!!!!!
This is good news. THE BLOG ISN'T DEAD YET.

Man in question: Thomas Adès.

An English composer and pianist, Grove tells us that "Adès's music shows few signs of direct contact with the rigours of 20th-century constructivism, and he avoids the consistent textural fragmentation and formal disjunction of an Expressionist aesthetic."

STFU he's good-looking NONE OF THAT MATTERS.

Francois Boi(e)ldieu

So, there I was, sitting in my music history class, awkwardly fumbling under my chair for my phone, which I'd dropped for the second time in about ten minutes, and neither my nimble flutey fingers nor Bryza's sharp guitar claws could find the rotten thing, and people kept straggling in late because the lecture theatre is in a side street, like not even IN the uni, and so our lecturer was getting peeved (but in a musicologist kinda way) and it was all madstressballs - and then this pretty picture came up on the screen, and I was like: thankyou.

His name is François-Adrien Boieldieu. Or Boildieu, depending on who you want to believe, my lecturer or Wikipedia. I know, Sophie’s Choice, right?

Anyway, he wrote Opéra Comique, which actually wasn’t generally all that funny. But Wagner liked him, and Berlioz thought he was alright, so that’s all that matters.

He lost his voice completely later in life, which must’ve been absolutely terrible. No real lulz there, huh? And then he died, as all composers do, in relative not-very-wealthy-ness.

But he was pretty in a vaguely boring lecture. Although I will get told that he is not in fact pretty, by people who know these things, or whatever. But I appreciate his mussed up hair, and exasperated yet fully deep facial expression, and also that mad neck tie-up thing. I must learn what that is called.

He is also either clasping a dog or grasping at a couch because he’s just so overwhelmed by the universe, man. I’m ok with either.

Ian Clarke

Subtitle: Musicjuice Got New Repertoire Today, and Subsequently Googled All Composers in Order to Find Babes; Also Felt Guilty About Neglected Blog.

This is Ian Clarke. He's got a bit of "thinking woman's crumpet" about him. You know: Shaun Micallef, Colin Firth, that sort of thing. If he were a tv actor, rather than a modern composer, he'd probably spend a lot of time being photographed in white shirts and manful watches on beaches, with accompanying articles about his singledom and deep thoughts etc. And the interviews would probably be published in The Sunday Age's "Sunday Life" (*spits*) magazine. Like, often.

Anyway: music stuff. He writes pieces with weird alternate fingerings (LOL) etc. So, good for him.

Maryanne Amacher

Voila Maryanne Amacher. She looks pretty reserved, right? Maybe a little uptight? Maybe a little cray-cray?

More on the cray-cray.

But in a good way! In an excellent way. Maryanne made soundscapes - crazy huge houses full of wiring and speakers and all sorts of things that could go wrong. And she spent most of her time in red overalls. And crazy red hair and ace glasses. And she passed away last year. No good way to segue to that after perving on her, really. Sorry for lack of finesse. There's a (possible) leadership spill and stuff tonight.

Yardena Alotin

This woman is a babe. Srsly. This is what I want my hair to look like. Usually, I just look like I've come off a treadmill.

Anyway, enough about me. Alotin was born in Tel-Aviv, and wrote lots of unaccompanied choir stuff. And some other stuff which isn't very interesting. And a flute piece called "Yefei Nof", which apparently is like a total fave of Galway's, and has "become established in the international flute repertory", according to my Norton/Grove Dictionary of Women Composers. It was a prize, alright! But anyway: I don't know this piece, so it can't be any good. KIDDING.

ps she's a babe. Nice pattern on shirt as well.

Andreas Traeg

I know nothing about this man. He hasn't even got a wiki. I mean, come on man! I know you've been dead a while and everything, but if you'd created a good enough legacy etc etc.

Well, he wrote a Solo Flute Fantasy in G Major. Not very exciting.

However: HELLO SAILOR. He's just got that look. How marvellous.

Also, bit of trivia: his sash is made out of French watered silk. I know this, because when I was music captain of my inner south eastern suburbs Catholic girls school (yeah, I know right?) we wore blue sashes made out of blue French watered silk, just like that.

You're completely welcome.

Burgmüller

Here is Johann Friedrich Franz Burgmüller:

Oh look! Here he is again, from the other side:

Here he is when he gets old! (Or possibly a picture or someone else with the same name. Google image search isn't particularly discerning)

Points for the funny hair.

I love this man from the deepest depths of my heart. And my god are those depths deep. So deep you could drown in them. Figuratively, of course. If they were actually deep or even existent I'd probably die, which would be terribly detrimental to my ability to love and blog, making this entire situation redundant.
Whatever.
He has made many, many, many hours of my work easier by writing his Op.100 which is easily accessible (as I have a copy of it sitting on my piano) and children seem to like it. I hate going out of my way to please children, so this is completely perfect.
Apparently he was fairly good looking too, had sideburns, which is always a plus and didn't lure children into the forest with candy or anything like that, so I'm going to assume he was one of those "all round nice guys" I keep hearing so much about. In the magazines.
Yup.
Burgmuller.
Awesome (probably) and attractive (debateably.)

David Hirschfelder

Ok, so I'm kind of breaking some rules again.

1. He's not really a babe. To obfuscate (probably not correct use of word) this unsightly fact, I have given you a picture of the Hirsch from the side, as he prepares to conduct summat. I believe that, much as an added piano makes an average person more attractive, putting someone in a high concentration situation like conducting can also make them more attractive. Discuss.

Here's another hilariously beardy photo. Just coz.

2. Actually, I only broke one rule. I don't know what my issue is today. Possibly because I haven't practiced. All kinds of jumbled.

ANWAY our good freind D-Hirsch wrote some stuff for "Strictly Ballroom", including that really pretty waltz that Doug does all by himself (tear), and some stuff for Australia. Some people would have a quiet little vom at that, but I really like Baz Luhrmann. I think sometimes that perhaps I'm a gay man. Like, a really really camp one.

He also used to play in the Little River Band (ace) AND WAS FULLY MUSIC DIRECTOR FOR WHISPERING JACK. Oh, Johnny Farnham. If only all those on your payroll were so good.

Grands Exercices Journaliers de Mecanisme par Monsieur Taffanel et Monsieur Gaubert.

"L'etude reguliere et attentive de ces exercices est indispensable a tout flutiste. Toutes les difficultes de l'instrument y sont contenues."

This is what it says in the "Notes on Practising/Note pour le Travail" at the start of Paul Taffanel and Phillipe Gaubert's "Grands Exercices Journaliers de Mecanisme".

What it translates to is something like: "Regular and thoughtful study of these exercises is indispensible to all flutists. They contain all the difficulties of the instrument."

What it should translate to is something more like this:
"Regular and thoughtful study of these exercises will cause intense pain in all parts of the upper body of the flutist, as well as a strange sudden desire to stab oneself in the aeorta with one's own flute. They contain all the difficulties of the instrument, and because we are spiteful French bastards, we take great pleasure in writing them out, so you can study them in your tertiary years and suffer immense physical and mental pain, to the point that you are willing to cut off your own fingers. Schadenfreude is what we do, even though that's a German word. Also, LE HOH HOH HOH HOH."

Other interesting facts: Paul Taffanel had a rectangular face and elf ears, while Philippe Gaubert was a neckless wonder whose choice in bowties was highly questionable.



Also, I heard from a reliable source that they used to eat children, and kick old women in the face for fun.

Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

Happy practising.
xx

Lili Kraus

My girl Lili had a pretty eventful life. She studied under Bartok and Kodaly (it's too late for accents), toured the world, even got to Australia in the 30s GOOD LORD - then got interned and held by the Japanese while she was touring Java. FOR LIKE THREE YEARS.

And then she got out, and got New Zealand citizenship, which also counted as British citizenship then, apparently, and started it all up again! And then she moved to America and continued to be brilliant.

And still, wiki give her like three paragraphs. Typical.

Also, I've just realised she isn't a composer. WHATEVER MAN IT'S LATE.

She's got a lot of babe potential. Her hair is too limp for my liking in this photo, but there's a lot there. She has a nice slouchy thing going too. Alexander wouldn't be happy, but she has grunge.

Also? If anyone ever writes a book about me, I would like it also be subtitled "Personality Extraordinaire".

Glenn Gould

SO last.fm has totally been recommending artists to me, as it should. Among suggestions such as Friendly Fires, The xx, The Clash, Dan Black, Ra Ra Riot and Yeasayer, was Glenn Gould.

Of course, I hear you say, BUT he is just a pianist.

WELL, let's see if Wikipedia has anything to say on the subject:
"As a teenager, Gould wrote chamber music and piano works in the style of the Second Viennese school of composition. His only significant work was the String Quartet, Op. 1, which he finished when he was in his 20s, and perhaps his cadenzas to Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 1, which can be heard on his recording of the piece and have recently been recorded by the German pianist Lars Vogt."

SNAP!

And as always, no photos from when he was old.


Mmm piano...

Lennox Berkeley.

I FOUND ONE! I FOUND ONE!
Long had I thought that we had so thoroughly plundered the troves of musical babe-ness that there could not possibly be anyone left to post. Our fount of attractive males had finally been sucked dry. (LOL)
Sure, particularly fastidious bloggers have kept this blog chugging along, but not with any really WOW WATABABEALICIOUSBABE composers.
I wanted a "POW" and I was getting a fizzle.
The end of this fabulous blog seemed imminent to me (although most people will tell you that's because I'm such a cynical doomsayer that I feel like everything ever is coming to and end and we're all going to die over the smallest things)

Then I saw this guy:

and I knew everything was going to be ok.

Man. I am so into this particular photo of this guy. I don't even know much about him, except that he wrote a piece that's in the series 16 grade 6 AMEB piano book. I don't even know what that piece sounds like, because there's a variations on a theme by Paganini that looked like more fun so I played that instead. BUT. What I do know is that I'm a mega fan of his adorable floppy hair. His eyes. His lips. His nose. The things I would do to him if he wasn't so old and dead and British. Man oh man oh man.

Excuse me a minute.

Gaetano Donizetti

I found a couple of photos of this guy.

Then I went on his wiki (oh, shush you) and just KEPT FINDING MORE.

And all these pieces are listed as being "arguably his most recognisable" and I recognise NONE.

However, I do recognise that he is a BABE with the most remarkable hair I have EVER SEEN.

Pin curls, ftw. Also: ten points for underbeard.

Helmüt Bornefeld

Things I know about this man:

1. He has an umlaut. Good work, son.

2. He has a tophat. Again, top marks.

3. He has a cravat. And an umbrella. HD+. Yes, I just made that up.

4. He was born on the same day C.P.E. Bach died, a mere one hundred and eighteen years after the fact. COINCIDENCE?

5. He has his head at a jaunty angle. Slightly cocky, mostly enigmatic. Points.

6. He wrote a collection of pieces called
"Im Dutzend billiger, 12 harmlose Stüke" which apparently means something along the lines of
"Cheaper by the Dozen, 12 Harmless Pieces". Excellence.

7. He was in the back of a flute duets score which I flicked open desperately,
hoping to find a babelicious composer, because we hadn't had a post in
OVER A MONTH and I felt like a bad mother.

Fin.

Carl Nielsen

Carl Nielsen, I know very little about you. I was leafing through some old books, trying to find a composer we haven't already perved on (though we're just a little bit guilty of repeating ourselves), and I found you. And I think you're just a little bit cute. You're also Danish, which is pretty swell, and your charming mug is on the hundred kroner note.

You also remind me of someone, and I can't quite pinpoint who. But I like your jacket and overcoat combo, and your middle distance stare. And I think that's quite enough.

Toby Jailbait

I'm here to prove a point.

See Figure 1, below.

This is Toby Jailbait, who wrote some music for "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", which I'm supposed to watching right now, but I'm a bit cider-y and distracted and I'd really rather watch "Porn" which I bought for $8 tonight, but that's beside the point.

So, this guy, I mean, he's not really epic babe material, but he's not so bad. The facial hair's ok, he's got a fairly decent cleft chin (points), I enjoy what he's doing with his receding hairline, the staring off into middle distance thing is vaguely interesting and mysterious etc.

HOWEVER.

This picture gives further evidence to my theory that everyone is more attractive when they're jailbait (further investigation into the attractiveness-giving potential of whether or not it's legal to tap that, including underage and family-members, are in the bagpipe-line). I mean, he's no Schubert, but he's definitely that bit babe-ier for appearing with a (somewhat scratched) piano. Let's all just ignore the ring on his left ring finger, shall we?

God[ard].

Benjamin Godard was a weedy little French man who died of tuberculosis.
Tough break, man.
However, he had nice eyes.
Also he wrote some pretty music, or something.
You know.

"Non, non, non! En Francais!" "Le hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh"

This is Jacques Ibert. I know very little about him, except for the following:

1. He wrote this superhuge Concerto for Flute and Orchestra which makes me think the following when I attempt to play it: "JACQUES WHAT THE HELL MY FINGERS CANNOT MOVE THIS FAST WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO BREATHE CURSE YOU AND YOUR MAGICAL COMPOSITIONAL SKILLZ OF INSANITY." It has a simple key. And so you breathe a sigh of relief, because how could you possibly play all those semi-quavers and demi-semi-quavers if they were in a hard key?!?! THAT'S RIGHT. YOU COULDN'T. AND THEN HE THROWS IN A WHOLE FUCKING LOT OF ACCIDENTALS. NOT EVEN EXPECTED ACCIDENTALS. JUST A WHOLE BUNCH OF REALLY STUPID INNAPPROPRIATE ACCIDENTALS.
In spite of this, it's a really nice concerto.
2. He has a moustache that looks like it has been cut with a ruler. I applaud his commitment, but to be honest, I prefer my moustaches excessive and curly.
That is to say, I don't like moustaches, but you may as well make them extravagant if you have them.

John Zorn (andToby Driver and Mia Matsumiya)

John Zorn! Entrepreneur! Visionary! Homosapien! American!

All wordy things that accurately describe Zorn Jogn, man that put a cover on an albym if a murder shootings that was bnned! What a homosapien! Anyway he is a sdxcy beast. But the reasone i include him and toby and Mia and johgn and toby is becasue he owns this record labvel named after his favourite dip! Tzadik! call me racist but it sounds like tzatziki. anyanyanywayyyy sooo he is the brain muscle behinf Masada Salad, Naked City, Painkiller, Bar Cohckba and various other goodies wqhich you shool check out,. They are all really good adn good. And he has abolut a billion and one albums to his name but check out his Naked City stuff because it will splurge your pants. I"M rnating but what he is good for is music! and giving Kayo DOt a record to release their first rekord on. which makes up f0r any bad things hi has done eer., kayo fot as you may know is the brainchild muscle of toby driver which is fortunate because Mia is also in it and she is really hot! you should listen to themm also and learn ho g0do they r. oi need to poop brb. b
ack ok so they are prette fit and goood ok and listen to them but they are avant-guard so that counts as classical composer kk bebecakes?

komung up next weekL fennesz. when i figur out how he's classicla.

Joby Talbot

I'm here to prove a point.

See Figure 1, below.

This is Joby Talbot, who wrote some music for "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", which I'm supposed to watching right now, but I'm a bit cider-y and distracted and I'd really rather watch "Footlose" which I bought for $8 tonight, but that's beside the point.

So, this guy, I mean, he's not really epic babe material, but he's not so bad. The facial hair's ok, he's got a fairly decent cleft chin (points), I enjoy what he's doing with his receding hairline, the staring off into middle distance thing is vaguely interesting and mysterious etc.

HOWEVER.

This picture gives further evidence to my theory that everyone is more attractive with a piano (further investigation into the attractiveness-giving potential of other instruments, including sousaphone and hurdy-gurdy, are in the bagpipe-line). I mean, he's no Schubert, but he's definitely that bit babe-ier for appearing with a (somewhat scratched) piano. Let's all just ignore the ring on his left ring finger, shall we?

Henri Büsser

Not enough men wear those fantastic balance-y glasses like that guy from The Matrix who's married to Zoe from Joss Whedon's "Firefly" (I'm a selective sci-fi tv nerd, ok?). Also, I might've gotten that wrong. Oh well.

Also, not enough men wear ties that are effectively just pieces of ribbon, interestingly knotted. My friend Theo does, but he has less musical ability than my father, but all this is meaningless unless you know these people, so don't mind me.

Otherwise, I know nothing about this composer. PAR FOR THE COURSE, REALLY.

At least they're talented...

'BLOG!' She says! 'Blog NOW!' And so I oblige. Never mind the precious seconds ticking away like sand through an hourglass, every moment taking us closer to death. Never mind the staggering inevitability of our own mortality engulfing every waking second with its ominous presence. We're all going to die and the whole world is awful, but sometimes composers are attractive. So I spose it's ok.

Every so often I do a little thing called teaching people to play the piano, hence I own an AMEB Manual of Syllabuses. My alcohol addled brain actually could not think of a single composer I might like to search for images of so I pulled out the horrendously large book and started to google every single composer in the piano syllabus. From this I learned that if you google "Hensel" you get stuff about some conjoined twins, and if you google "Moscheles" you get some of the most incredible mutton chop sideburns in history. Then I got bored and gave up.
SO
before the weight of the world crushes me to the point where my fingers can no longer type and I can no longer right-click-save images, these are my findings.

Ernst von Dohnanyi reminds me of a bartender I've seen drunk many many times, only better looking.


Charles-Valentin Alkan looks fairly sweet behind all his facial hair, but then, I'm a fan of french-men.


Adolph Henselt was possibly the inspiration for the film "Coneheads"


and finally, Moszkowski had a Moustache-Wars worthy Mo.


The moral of this story is, never study music. And if you do, never start a blog about composers.
Or if you do, don't bother looking through the AMEB piano syllabus. Everyone's Ugly.

David Byrne

Ok, this requires a bit of maths. You know that bit in the middle where the two circles intersect? I forget what's called, but it's A int B or something like that.

ANYWAY let's imagine that the circle on the left is my dad's taste in music, and the circle on the right is mine. I am increasingly surprised by how large this intersect-y bit is growing.

Latest addition to the middle bit is Talking Heads - obviously, I'm the one who came a bit late to this rather fabbo band, but that's ok. It's gone on my "safe to put on in the car when driving with dad because he likes it" list, and it's fun and a bit nuts and is good.

ANYWAY ONCE AGAIN the lovely gentleman above is David Byrne, a rather important member of said fantastic band.

And he's the alternative musician who just keeps on giving - from skinny gravity defying man in high waisted white pants to artsy scarf to distinguished silver fox (you're welcome for the extra Thom Yorke, by the way).

OH WAIT you need his composer credentials. He composed stuff for Big Love (squee!), and lots of other things I don't care for.

FACTS STOLEN FROM IMDB:

+ listed under Trademark - "edgy persona". Please put that on my gravestone.

+ Talking Heads has a rather wonderful song called "Psycho Killer" (of which Kate Miller-Heidke does a great operatic cover). Dear David's friend Barbara Conway used that phrase to describe things she thought were cool. In the 80s, Conway was murdered by a female stalker. AWKWARD AND UNFUNNY IRONY.

Brian Eno

Brian Eno: father of ambient music, composer of film scores such as many alternative films I'm not cool enough to have seen, also The Lovely Bones.

Also, crazy strange ambiesexual androgynous babebot, who seems to have zinced the whole side of his nose and one bit of his forehead. I'm enjoying the hair, though.

Jonathan Wolff

This beardy bit of goodness is Jonathan Wolff, who is excellent for several reasons:

+ his last name is not just "Wolf", it's "Wolff".

+ he wrote the original music for Seinfeld.

+ he wrote the original music for Will & Grace.

+ he wrote the original music for Married with Children, Who's the Boss, Caroline in the City, and many other shows I care for very little, which is why they're lumped together in one bullet point.

+ he has a good beard.

Reasons he is not excellent:

+ his picture is too small.

+ he wrote the music for The King of Queens and According to Jim.

Dario Marianelli

ALMOST SILVER FOX HELLO.

Eleven other people that read this blog (sometimes), meet Dario Marianelli. He composes for films such as "Pride & Prejudice" (the Keira one, mamadess) "V for Vendetta" and "Atonement". He also does quite a good job of sitting at a piano and staring meaningfully through the computer screen INTO YOUR SOUL.

Also, he has Harry Potter on the bookshelf behind him. Extra points.

Ben Foster

So, the man is not a composer.

HOWEVER Evan-face did set a precedent with his ONE AND ONLY POST for people to post conductors, so I've got something going for me. ALSO this man (who has a bit of the Matt Bellamy, no?) is a conductor AND an arranger, so that gives him extra points. Need more convincing? He's conductor and arranger for Doctor Who. And the delightful picture above includes a banner with the TARDIS in it. I think that's enough points for everyone.

Apologies for the excess of capitals. I have no issues, but some people are sensitive.

WAIT last minute correction!

He is a composer, for European film makers and such.

That's all.

Karl Goepfart

I'm sorry, I know that the picture is tiny, and that he's not really much of a babe, BUT HIS NAME IS GOEPFART.

Also, I appear to have run out of composers. Yup, none left. I'll have to start cataloguing attractive luthiers next. That'll be good.

Manuel Maria Ponce

Well, of course when I look for another moustachioed composer, I find a suitably NON moustachioed one. Manuel Maria (*snigger*) Ponce, the amazing Spanish composer who wrote some awesome stuff for guitar DESPITE THE FACT HE DIDN'T PLAY THE INSTRUMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!

So find attached a moustache I made myself. As well as the unphotoshopped (or un MS Paint-ed) version.

I will try better next time... :P