Carl Nielsen

Carl Nielsen, I know very little about you. I was leafing through some old books, trying to find a composer we haven't already perved on (though we're just a little bit guilty of repeating ourselves), and I found you. And I think you're just a little bit cute. You're also Danish, which is pretty swell, and your charming mug is on the hundred kroner note.

You also remind me of someone, and I can't quite pinpoint who. But I like your jacket and overcoat combo, and your middle distance stare. And I think that's quite enough.

Toby Jailbait

I'm here to prove a point.

See Figure 1, below.

This is Toby Jailbait, who wrote some music for "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", which I'm supposed to watching right now, but I'm a bit cider-y and distracted and I'd really rather watch "Porn" which I bought for $8 tonight, but that's beside the point.

So, this guy, I mean, he's not really epic babe material, but he's not so bad. The facial hair's ok, he's got a fairly decent cleft chin (points), I enjoy what he's doing with his receding hairline, the staring off into middle distance thing is vaguely interesting and mysterious etc.

HOWEVER.

This picture gives further evidence to my theory that everyone is more attractive when they're jailbait (further investigation into the attractiveness-giving potential of whether or not it's legal to tap that, including underage and family-members, are in the bagpipe-line). I mean, he's no Schubert, but he's definitely that bit babe-ier for appearing with a (somewhat scratched) piano. Let's all just ignore the ring on his left ring finger, shall we?

God[ard].

Benjamin Godard was a weedy little French man who died of tuberculosis.
Tough break, man.
However, he had nice eyes.
Also he wrote some pretty music, or something.
You know.

"Non, non, non! En Francais!" "Le hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh"

This is Jacques Ibert. I know very little about him, except for the following:

1. He wrote this superhuge Concerto for Flute and Orchestra which makes me think the following when I attempt to play it: "JACQUES WHAT THE HELL MY FINGERS CANNOT MOVE THIS FAST WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO BREATHE CURSE YOU AND YOUR MAGICAL COMPOSITIONAL SKILLZ OF INSANITY." It has a simple key. And so you breathe a sigh of relief, because how could you possibly play all those semi-quavers and demi-semi-quavers if they were in a hard key?!?! THAT'S RIGHT. YOU COULDN'T. AND THEN HE THROWS IN A WHOLE FUCKING LOT OF ACCIDENTALS. NOT EVEN EXPECTED ACCIDENTALS. JUST A WHOLE BUNCH OF REALLY STUPID INNAPPROPRIATE ACCIDENTALS.
In spite of this, it's a really nice concerto.
2. He has a moustache that looks like it has been cut with a ruler. I applaud his commitment, but to be honest, I prefer my moustaches excessive and curly.
That is to say, I don't like moustaches, but you may as well make them extravagant if you have them.

John Zorn (andToby Driver and Mia Matsumiya)

John Zorn! Entrepreneur! Visionary! Homosapien! American!

All wordy things that accurately describe Zorn Jogn, man that put a cover on an albym if a murder shootings that was bnned! What a homosapien! Anyway he is a sdxcy beast. But the reasone i include him and toby and Mia and johgn and toby is becasue he owns this record labvel named after his favourite dip! Tzadik! call me racist but it sounds like tzatziki. anyanyanywayyyy sooo he is the brain muscle behinf Masada Salad, Naked City, Painkiller, Bar Cohckba and various other goodies wqhich you shool check out,. They are all really good adn good. And he has abolut a billion and one albums to his name but check out his Naked City stuff because it will splurge your pants. I"M rnating but what he is good for is music! and giving Kayo DOt a record to release their first rekord on. which makes up f0r any bad things hi has done eer., kayo fot as you may know is the brainchild muscle of toby driver which is fortunate because Mia is also in it and she is really hot! you should listen to themm also and learn ho g0do they r. oi need to poop brb. b
ack ok so they are prette fit and goood ok and listen to them but they are avant-guard so that counts as classical composer kk bebecakes?

komung up next weekL fennesz. when i figur out how he's classicla.

Joby Talbot

I'm here to prove a point.

See Figure 1, below.

This is Joby Talbot, who wrote some music for "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", which I'm supposed to watching right now, but I'm a bit cider-y and distracted and I'd really rather watch "Footlose" which I bought for $8 tonight, but that's beside the point.

So, this guy, I mean, he's not really epic babe material, but he's not so bad. The facial hair's ok, he's got a fairly decent cleft chin (points), I enjoy what he's doing with his receding hairline, the staring off into middle distance thing is vaguely interesting and mysterious etc.

HOWEVER.

This picture gives further evidence to my theory that everyone is more attractive with a piano (further investigation into the attractiveness-giving potential of other instruments, including sousaphone and hurdy-gurdy, are in the bagpipe-line). I mean, he's no Schubert, but he's definitely that bit babe-ier for appearing with a (somewhat scratched) piano. Let's all just ignore the ring on his left ring finger, shall we?